Life

Life

Wednesday, 6 December 2017

The Christmas Season

Well here we are again folks. Tis the Christmas season.
Filled with cheery songs, holiday partied and a full schedule. Wrapping presents and fighting shopping malls till the wee hours.


This year the hubs and I are pretty on top of it (a rare occurrence). we have most gift bought and wrapped, cards out, and have streamlined our holiday partied to just a few. We are only able to do this by expressing to people that "we are having a baby and renovating, we need time to ourselves to get it all done". some people respect that request some people use it to fuel unnecessary drama, but hey it's what we are doing to make it all work and I'm good with that.

Pregnancy update our sweet baby boy is in 23 weeks gestation kicks me on the regular (when he tells me to eat really).  My body it starting to take a toll. Growing fast comes with a painful body, but all in a days work growing a human. hahah as I type this I just got booted in the bladder.

We have room colours picked out for our man. We also have a new floor for him, and crib, and dresser, and diapers, and clothes etc etc etc. but all is in boxes till we have his room finished hahah.

I have been feeling good overall so I'm very thankful and blessed for that. My midwives are great and say all is well with our boy. It's to funny because its the only time I can think of that when someone refers to your child as "unremarkable" it is actually the greatest thing to hear hahahah.

I am looking forward to seeing family this Christmas as everyone is so excited for the baby and they can see my big ol belly that is all out there and in full force hahah.

We also have been talking about how we want Christmas to look for our child when he arrives. Next year will be his first Christmas and we have decided a few things that may make or holidays look a little different then our families are used to. It will be the first time that there are two families of kids that have to have Christmas.
We typically just go to each side of the families Christmas and swap Christmas day with them every other year and it has worked well.
We have wonderful nieces on each side so us going to them has always been an easy choice. Well next year it will be different we will have a wee one we will want to wake up and open gifts under the tree that they have decorated. As well we are the only really faithful group of our families so there are traditions we will want that our families won't so it will all be a learning experience of how to make it work for us.
I'm sure we will find a way to make it all work for everyone.......eventually hahah.
Here are a few traditions we will love to share with our sweet baby boy

Christmas morning snacks. We always have Pillsbury crescent rolls while opening presents . Why? because you need nourishment and sometime it take a while before we can get to breakfast. My MIL always did it with my husband and he has made it a thing for my family too hahha.

Stockings first. We always do stockings in bed before going to the living room to see the gifts under the tree.

Check the milk and cookies. We need to ensure Santa and the reindeer have eaten what we left. just in case he has left instructions for us.

The dressing must be boxed hahah. My husband and I have spend many a Christmas dinner scarfing down "someone's" famous dressing (stuffing in Canada). and have never found one we liked more then the boxed cheap stuff.

Christmas Eve take out and snacks. Christmas eve is a time for prep so my family has always had some sort of take out  food for dinner. usually fish and chips. As well this is when my mom and i would set up the Christmas treat table filled with chocolates, cookie, cracker etc to snack on all night and the next day.

What are something your family does?

Wednesday, 1 November 2017

Boost my Blog

I wish I was consistent enough to boost up my blog.
I have things to write about but always a lack of time  or organization to do it.

I guess maybe some prayer and maybe a few mins here or there come Maternity leave time  might help me get the swing of it.

SO until then here it is same old me hahah.

So all has been good i have reach 18 weeks pregnant yesterday. We find out the sex in 6 days. I'm so nervous and excited!
People keep asking if i care about which Gender and if i'm going to have a gender reveal.
the answer to both is NO. I don't care about the Gender at all... and I seriously say this I really and just excited to snuggle my baby. I don't get to choose the gender so  I guess I have just resigned to that and am going to enjoy the gift. As for gender reveal no I'm not. We will tell people but having a party seems like a lot of work that I'm just not into at the moment lol. We will do something cute for Facebook I'm sure, but no party.

So pregnancy lately mean spicy food. Tacos is a good one lol. chocolate Milk is always a baby pleaser. I have been tired still but also have been super busy to I think that has a lot to play. I have been happy and healthy and am loving my baby belly.
Needing to buy a few more shirts that fit but overall making it work.

I have a little bit of a cold today so i'm going to make some taco soup when i get home to add some spice and warmth to my belly.

I have been doing all kinds of research on making baby products and cloth diapers and all things baby. I can't wait till we are able to do our registry. We are waiting till we know the gender so we can customize our list.

Everyone is so excited for the baby and so are we. It's all I think about. 
I actually want to share a recipe that i'm going to try with you. It's a natural recipe for a "Vaseline" type product that is safe to use and not made with petroleum. I got it off this great blog that you should check out. I give her full credit and I haven't tried it yet but I am excited to.
Nashville wife's homemade Vaseline.

Give it a go and let me know how you like it.

Any way I hope you week is amazing and wish me luck on Tuesday!!

Boy or Girl what will it be ?

Christine

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

I Have News

SOOOOOO I have been absent for a reason that i can now share.
I have been so preoccupied and couldn't talk about it so there is no way i could blog and not mention anything.

Guess what!!!!


Terry and I are Expecting!!!!

We will hold our first sweet blessing sometime around April 3rd 2018!

Pregnancy has been pretty good so far. little sickness. A lot of worry though that has been my biggest battle. Just dealing with myself lol.



There is a pic from about a month ago of my sweet nugget. Growing well and rapid.

We are so thrilled and scared and ready and not ready all a the same time. We find out Nov. 4th weather its a boy or girl so that will be so exciting.

We are so happy with our medical team. We have chosen the midwife route and I have been working closely with a chiropractor and massage therapist in support of my terrible back.
The coolest thing for me is after all my years in childcare and child development I get to use all my skills and choices for myself.

Being in Canada I will have an entire year of maternity leave to bond and love on this little ones. I so ready and anticipating all the rises and falls and thrills and challenges that comes with new baby.

Any of you Mommas and Dads out there there with tips on getting ready for Baby feel free to share I always think i know more then I do lol.

Love Christine

Thursday, 28 September 2017

I'm a terrible blogger lol

Don't get me wrong I love to blog I love to share..... really I just love to talk and this is the Internets way of doing that. I mean I could you tube video but really who has time for that lol.

So in the time I have blogged last there has been well my whole life going on. Terry is good I am good Zoey is good. We have seen family a lot this summer. wish we had seen more friends abut you can't be everywhere so there you go. Fall is upon us so i'm at my happiest with cool weather and great snuggles.
May garden was weird this summer. We had lots of rain so actually all the things I really wanted to grow are just starting to be fruitful now. Red pepper jelly here I come!!!
We have a few exciting things happening at which I will share at a later date.

I have been strong in my faith consistently and not allowing my brain to get to distracted which is huge learning curve for me. We still don't have a church home but I have been listening elevation church podcast so I am getting the word most days.  and most days because i'm years behind so i listen each day on my way to work. This has been a great resource for me as it help start my day in a beautiful positive light. so i'm getting there friends i'm getting there.

It's fall so it's my favorite time of year for all things, but mostly for all things in my kitchen! as mentioned above waiting for those peppers to turn red then they will be jelly. It's apple butter making season. As well we grew pumpkins this year and I want to process them and freeze it to make pie and a delicious pumpkin bread I make. Oh and I can not forget my famous apple crisp. I learned this recipe in fifth grade and have perfected it each year since!

Meal prep and planning has been tough for us lately so today my mission is to meal plan for all of next week. Slow cooker get ready i'm putting you to work! if you have any yummy for the tummy meals you would like to share I would love it! just throwing it out there.

I'm going to try this bad boy it looks good and simple.

tomato and white bean soup

I hope you all can find your extra joy in this fall season!
Well i try and be a better blogger and keep it up.
I'll try my best to be interesting even though this specific blog is truly lacking that piece lol.
Love
Christine

Thursday, 20 July 2017

When you get your dream job..... then what.....

Hi everyone.
I haven't been around in a while but i had a thought bubble of a blog post.

It's something i'm praying about and contemplating current so i thought i would throw it out there and see what people think.

Please comment I would love some perspective on this.

So in modern day society you are taught to go to school, learn all you can, work like the dickens to succeed in your career and achieve the dream job.

Well that's what i have done. I went to school (twice) worked my tail off set a goal and smashed it!!! yay me!!

Now i have the job the one i was sure was my dream job. And well I do very well at it! good for me (patting myself on the back)

Where I struggle is what happens when you get the dream job??? turns out you still have to work like the dickens lol. Which is all fine and good but what happens when it's not enough.
"Do what you love to do and it will not feel like work "..... well what happens when it's still "work".

I have the dream job it pays well, has great benefits, awesome long term planning, working with amazing people and families yet still not satisfied.

Clearly this means i either picked the wrong "dream job" .....or.... something else is missing.

I don't leave work satisfied with the job i have done even though i work my tail off ...why you ask??
I just don't feel like other then financial gain that it adds to my quality of life.... in fact i think it diminishes my quality of life.

Don't get me wrong I work at a great place and am so very blessed to have the job I have.
I don't mean to be whiny or entitled i'm just not finding satisfaction in the "Dream Job".

Currently the sheer time of which my job takes up is robbing me of those things in life where i do find satisfaction and that is relationships.
It's ironic because i advocate everyday how important good healthy, supportive and progressive relationships make the difference of a well lived life (that's my job in a nut shell).
But in doing this i'm robbing myself and my family of .....well.....me.

I'm never home. I'm always stressed and overwhelmed. I'm frustrated and investing all my energy into something that isn't giving me life.

Now envisioning what a different "Dream Job" would be for me and of course i come up blank.

I have blogged about this before that I don't know if there is any job or career that i really think will give me personally quality of life.

I'm a person that works to fund my life.
I work so my future kids will have a home and food on the table. but i'm already sacrificing the quality of mother they will have.
I don't want to be a stress ball. I don't want to go on amazon to buy a thermometer and as i click the search box totally forget what i was looking for because i'm totally and completely overwhelmed !!! (this happened like five seconds ago).
I don't want to be unhealthy because I don't have time in a day to go to the gym or grocery shop for healthy food or even go to the flipping doctor.

I don't want my children to have a mom they never see. I don't want my kids to be 13 and struggling in school and say well mom can't help me cause shes never home.

This is the path i'm on and I hate it.

I don't hate my job i really don't . I hate what it take from me.
My energy
My passion for life
and my dreams.

So what happens when your dream job isn't a dream?
What do you do?
"For real help a sister out lol.... i'm really struggling"

More then what do you do .... but why do you have to have a dream job.
I get motivations of dreams i get that we live in a world where we use money as currency and they way to get that is working.
I get all the reasons why work is important.
I understand that some people LOVE working and love there career and feel it gives tham so much...


What happens when you are told growing up to be that person

and when you do grow up you just not.
I don't like working full time...


I don't believe that working give me personal satisfaction.
my passions and dreams are in my relationship.
I don't day dream about careers i day dream about children, my husband, my dog, my happy little home, my family, my goals, functioning for my family, i daydream about Love!!

Work does not love me back yet i spend endless hours a week supporting and giving all my energy for a non tangible thing that gives me no love back.
I get a lot of appreciation from the clients i work with which is always awesome but i hate to say it but i don't need it.
I do good work for the community and i am helping and giving back and all that jazz which is great, but when it stops being rewarding should it still be a focus?

I don't really have any wise answers or anyhting like that but would love to hear some feed back.

am i alone in this??
Am i crazy??
i don't know.
Let me know what you think.

Christine


Monday, 5 June 2017

My beautiful people

Hello beautiful people

How goes it??

All is generally well here. Feeling good after a few weeks of not feeling good. I'm finding out that as i age i can actually feel the difference of a healthy eating day and when i have eaten garbage. Not the typical body responses that i'm talking about. but overall my mood is better when i eat better.

But i'm on an upswing.we have had a weekend of gardening and starting the process of re doing our deck so busy busy lol.

I currently working on taking time being by myself and doing things for me......... there's a catch. I can't work on changing myself... This is a Councillor supervised plan lol.

I go to a Councillor as most people should lol. helps to reflect and keep on track to the goals for my life. well I was caught in my last session. caught trying to change again. I seem to always think if i change things life will be easier hahahah. I'ts not turns out. Life is what god wants it to be for you. So i'm learning to love , live and appreciate what i have in life and be ok where i am.

So today I made a plan..... I'm good at that lol.

Goal for the week. go home from work as usual.... walk the dog (easy right ...well yes it is i should just do it more lol).... then 1-1.5 hours of house or project work. then spend the evening with Terry. gonna give it a go. I have a few things in the week booked so i'll adjust as need be.

I plan tonight because i'm sore and tired and it's rainy. to walk the dog then read my bible or do some bible lesson or memorization etc etc. (I downloaded a bunch of apps to help with this).

Lets see how this will work. hoping i will be able to enjoy my time and feel accomplished by bed time.

Found this on Facebook earlier i thought it appropriate for the day.

Love and snuggles
Christine

P.s if you read my blog let me know. even if you dont want to post here is my email christinemccaul85@gmail.com
I wanna hear what you think. do you like it? do you hate it?
I want to amp up my blog game
Help me with it please lol.

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

lets get real

Hey there guys.

having a day here.
I thought instead of posting about recipes or things i'm doing just like you that no one really cares about. I thought hey lets write a post today....


Why is today different then every other.... well today Sucks .. today is hard... today is dark for me.

Alot has happened in the world these past few days and we are all feeling effects from that. But what i'm about to say next may make me seem selfish and uncaring or whatever so i'm just fore warning you.

Today those tragedies are NOT on my mind.
They just are not.
I know i have talked about being a spouse of someone with PTSD but less often i talk about My struggles.

I suffer with depression.
There ya go there it is.
Today is not a good day for me.
i'm not thinking about recent events because i'm not thinking about anything.
Well anything but myself and how i'm feeling. weather i like it or not.
You see (with Dr. supervision) I am off my medication in plans to extend our family.

So guess what that means i have signed up to do the work. So when talking to the doctor of course i'm all "yay I can do this"

Then the chemicals aren't being pumped into your body like you are used to and that chipper motivated person is not there. So you end up with struggle days like today

Just woke up un happy. got a speeding ticket (didn't faze me) just don't care.

So i have made a counselling appt fr tomorrow with my therapist and we start the pull through again. but in these day is when i often look to source of inspiration to help me make sense of my mind and remind myself it's not me it's an illness.

But all that in mind i wanted to break some stigma for my readers if you are at all interested.

I want to tell you what depression is NOT. I know we often here this is what it is look for these signs. And that is sooo important. But it can look different so if i tell you from me what it is NOT always then maybe you can see that in others.
So here you go

Depression is not always:

Self deprecating
When i am in depressive states I am NOT the person who has the thoughts of
I'm not enough
I'm stupid
I'm weak
I'm not worthy.
I'm not good enough
That's just not how it works for me.
Reminder this is just how it looks for me.
This illness is different for everyone. It make my suffering no different or better or anything from anyone else I can only speak to my journey.
My emotion feed thoughts more like
When is it enough
Why is no one helping
What is effecting me
How can i stop this
what can i do in this second to stop this feeling

I have just never been a person to beat myself up.
I would have to look at myself to hard.  (this is why i say my emotions are different then others but it's all the same journey)

Classic lines for me when people ask me how I am:
"oh you know just life"
"oh i'm fine just tired"
"i'm just stress you know life it's unpredictable"
"i'm so busy"
"I've just been really busy with work and all"

If you hear any of these from people. they are probably suffering. And might need to be pushed a little for them to let you in

Visible
It's kind of funny that i'm putting this.
everyone know it's an invisible disease (but do they really).
Not everyone who is depressed is laying in bed crying, going unwashed, not brushing there teeth, not smiling, not getting out there.
I personally can go either way depending on the bout i'm in. My depression can look totally put together. Hair done clean clothes etc etc. This my dears is because I'm trying to keep it stuff together. Trying to take control of something ANYTHING some times.
I often put great work in the appearance of being OK.
Don't get me wrong it can look unwashed and un brushed and uneverything.
But for me it's generally at home. I pull it all together for the public. (those lucky ducks get the best of me lol)
So keep that in mind.
Depressed people do not always "look depressed"


Audible  
This one is pretty common but so important.
You will not always be able to tell a depressed person by them telling you.
I generally tell more people that i don't know or care about that i'm in a state.
I hide from me friends and family with smiles and laughter.
I'm Loud, vibrant and generally upbeat.
I'm depressed. and smile masks a million tears i tell ya.
But boy oh boy over the years i have become a pro at "suck it up" (p.s. don't ever suck it up")
It is the most destructive method of dealing with depression.
This is societal misguidance. Society looks and give the impression that us depresso's are weak and not worthy.
Well that part is not true and i know that so I never put that persona out there.
I'm not late I don't listen to depressing music and wear black lip stick.
I don't want to bring my struggle to light i want to hide.
If you think a friend or loved one is depressed don't ever convince yourself not to help because they "seem" ok.
Always check in ALWAYS.
My personal experience shows that those that pry and don't believe me when i say i'm fine or I've just been busy and continue to pester me (my husband and mother lol).
they are the ones that break thru. When you can look behind the mask and fight a person stubbornness it's in those moments that take the brick off my shoulders. it's the moments when someone figures out my happy persona is a shame.
and trust me you will know if you look at those you KNOW WELL and love. there genuine happiness and fake happiness are different. (this is where i get caught)
For example. I'm a happy person joke a lot but i'm calm. when i'm excitable watch out!!! I'm probably in a super bad place.
take a listen to your friends if they seem in a super different mood weather it be up or down. notice differences. and Ask. they might resist. Ask are you ok?
they will say yes sometimes. even when you know its a no.
but keep asking.
generally people will offer the "if you need anything i'm here" which is often genuine.
But remember i'm depressed and sad i don't know how to ask you for help when you offer. I don';t know how to be like hey 2 months ago you said if i need anything you were there well. i need something.
That just never happens. Just give me the help now. just do it. text me, call, me, bring me a cup of coffee, or send me a picture of your cute kid or your dog, or invite me over to paint our nails together. or come over and go on a walk with me or the dog.
I have great friends who when we are a mess always invite us for dinner.
they just say hey it's one less thing to worry about.... and it is.
no obligation of time or no expectations of receiving back (p.s this one is huge, I will help you when i have something to give.... that is not now so don't expect it).

In the end just be there. depression is lonely. it's been said before and i say it again. it's super lonely. because your hiding. imagine playing hide and seek and no one finding you. that's what it feels like all the time!!!! people know your there they just don't know where you are!

So take these with what you will. but this is from me a girl with depression sick and tired of stereotyping. Depression is not always the same. Know your loved ones and pay attention. you might be more then what you know to them.

here is a great blog i have been reading and he touches on a lot of this stuff way better then i do lol.

http://www.recklesslyalive.com/

I welcome questions and comments remember

Love Chrisitne